Erectile Dysfunction

[puzzled2008]

Is there a physiological necessity for a man to have intercourse as opposed to ejaculating manually?
My husband of 30+ years has ED. He is 70. I am 60. We are using treatment that helps quite a bit, but we are yet to be back to satisfactory intercourse. Our love-making is excellent but he says that if he can't have satisfactory intercourse his life is not worth living. He has extreme depression and becomes extremely angry and frustrated because things don't "work right." We have tried multiple positions, but none seem to take care of the issue. He says that I don't understand, and he is right. I don't. I have searched for some discussion of this aspect, but I find nothing addressing it. I do understand the psychological aspects of this. But psychological disorders can be treated in other ways. He believes this is a physiological need. I could really use some male perspective on this.

[Piano]

As 63 year old male, also married 30+ years, I have total ED after prostate surgery. (I use injections and a pump.)

I disagree with your hubby's theory that there is a physiological need for intercourse. Sure, given a choice of intercourse or masturbation, intercourse is my first choice. There are many variations on "intercourse": just cuddles, manual or oral stimulation, then actual penetration, which he need not be fully erect for. And he need not necessarily orgasm. If my wife does not orgasm with me inside, I can take care of her needs in other ways. All of that I find very pleasant -- and if I don't orgasm, I can masturbate later.

I don't find it at all depressing that I don't always go "all the way". I agree depression is a problem, and that together with the drugs he may be taking for it, can make the ED worse than it would be otherwise.

So I would say to your hubby, enjoy what you can do, and don't stress over what you can't do. Enjoy the intimacy that you have; enjoy each moment, every stroke. You may find that without the worry and frustration, you might be able to do a lot more than you can now.